He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
