i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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