some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
