All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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