i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
