You're my little dorito
are you so shy because you have an std?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
