I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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