he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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