I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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