I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
