whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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