So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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