So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
