she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
