I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
