Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Shame - the story of my life.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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