Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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