No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
