Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Randomize
