I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
