Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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