It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
