I showed him my bush... on skype.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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