Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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