I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
