my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
