Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
