Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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