I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
