worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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