I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
FUCK WHALES
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
