Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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