He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
