oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
