Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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