In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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