i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
