Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
