yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
