Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
