I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
my liver is dry heaving
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
