kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
