I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
