just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
