My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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