If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
