Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
