I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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