who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
