I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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