I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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