i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
