ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
There r osticjed everywhere
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
