I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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