someone threw a dead crab at me
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
