I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
