No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
