You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
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Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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