I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
