Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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