if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
