I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
