i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
